The Endless Waiting and Pondering...
Sometimes this feeling just hit me out of the blues... Being alone and not knowing why are you here and where is that shoulder to lean on when you needed it the most. I am sure once in a while everyone goes through the same feeling. The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of emptiness, the feeling of wanting someone to be there for you, to hold and to care, to just be waiting for you...
It hurts sometimes to think that there would be no one there by your side when you get home... No one can listens to you when you wanted to complaints, no one would hold you tight in their arms for comforts.
I used to have all of that... I used to have my better half... used too! But not anymore... Although we are pretty much a dear friends but there are things that I cant tell him anymore... there are boundaries that I cant cross... Words that cant be said easily, emotions that cant be shared, feelings that cant laid open...
I guess, the truth is that at this age, we are all thinking of ending up with someone dear. Someone who will understand and accept us as who we are and not for what they want us to be... someone who can communicate and can read the untold and can make an effort to makes all the tiny little things special...
A dear friend told me that I have many loves to share but yet Im scared to start all over again... Scared to break down the wall which Ive built around my heart... Scared to make a move to let someone in... Scared to be hurt... I guess she's right.. Perhaps I'm looking for the impossibble... looking for fantasy which will never come true... in lame-man's word, a true gentleman..
At times like this, when the uncertainties hits me, Im struggling hard not to drown... trying to surfaced again from hitting the rock bottom... in search for The One to care, and love and cherish me. I know it is much to ask for it that no one can be committed and be true but at least I just hope that one day... one day soon I will meet him and build a happy family as what Ive always imagined.
I envy those elderly who can still walk hand in hand, sharing smiles and chats, sharing kisses and hugs... I want that to happen to me too... I envy those who can shed tears and there's shoulder to lean on... a loving arms to be in ... holding tight in assurance and the feeling of safe and secureness that they felt...
My heart screams a thousand words yet the sound is not uttered by mouth... nor any sound can be heard by the others... If only ones can hear it thru the stethoscope, Im sure ones can go deaf listening to the loudness of it... It hurts...
Why am I writing this down? Cause at the moment that is just what I feel... gosh if only someone can understand what Im blabbering about ... Im sure when reality hits me back and when Im reading this again it will definitely be a total bollocks.. but at least I have my temporary so called arms that I can pour all my thoughts on...
Time flies so fast that at times you can just forget the feelings and yourself... Im making sure that I would recall back this exact feelings when I set foot back to reality sooner than I can close my eyes to sleep later...
*sighs*
I wonder if you ever have the feelings of wanting to cry and yet you have no reason why... My eyes filled with tears and yet for certain moments I wonder why and whats the purpose of these tears I shed...
It hurts sometimes to think that there would be no one there by your side when you get home... No one can listens to you when you wanted to complaints, no one would hold you tight in their arms for comforts.
I used to have all of that... I used to have my better half... used too! But not anymore... Although we are pretty much a dear friends but there are things that I cant tell him anymore... there are boundaries that I cant cross... Words that cant be said easily, emotions that cant be shared, feelings that cant laid open...
I guess, the truth is that at this age, we are all thinking of ending up with someone dear. Someone who will understand and accept us as who we are and not for what they want us to be... someone who can communicate and can read the untold and can make an effort to makes all the tiny little things special...
A dear friend told me that I have many loves to share but yet Im scared to start all over again... Scared to break down the wall which Ive built around my heart... Scared to make a move to let someone in... Scared to be hurt... I guess she's right.. Perhaps I'm looking for the impossibble... looking for fantasy which will never come true... in lame-man's word, a true gentleman..
At times like this, when the uncertainties hits me, Im struggling hard not to drown... trying to surfaced again from hitting the rock bottom... in search for The One to care, and love and cherish me. I know it is much to ask for it that no one can be committed and be true but at least I just hope that one day... one day soon I will meet him and build a happy family as what Ive always imagined.
I envy those elderly who can still walk hand in hand, sharing smiles and chats, sharing kisses and hugs... I want that to happen to me too... I envy those who can shed tears and there's shoulder to lean on... a loving arms to be in ... holding tight in assurance and the feeling of safe and secureness that they felt...
My heart screams a thousand words yet the sound is not uttered by mouth... nor any sound can be heard by the others... If only ones can hear it thru the stethoscope, Im sure ones can go deaf listening to the loudness of it... It hurts...
Why am I writing this down? Cause at the moment that is just what I feel... gosh if only someone can understand what Im blabbering about ... Im sure when reality hits me back and when Im reading this again it will definitely be a total bollocks.. but at least I have my temporary so called arms that I can pour all my thoughts on...
Time flies so fast that at times you can just forget the feelings and yourself... Im making sure that I would recall back this exact feelings when I set foot back to reality sooner than I can close my eyes to sleep later...
*sighs*
I wonder if you ever have the feelings of wanting to cry and yet you have no reason why... My eyes filled with tears and yet for certain moments I wonder why and whats the purpose of these tears I shed...
Cheers-K-
hugs ....
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